The last time I blogged we were deep into the two week wait after our second IUI. Much like the first, I got a raging period that made sure I knew I was not pregnant. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t, once again, devastated. I really, really thought that I was pregnant. All signs and symptoms pointed to yes. Although, maybe I shouldn’t have had such faith in the symptoms since we miscarried every other time I was pregnant (insert hands up emoji). You tell yourself EVERY time not to get your hopes up! But…I am human, and I happen to be a human that is FILLED with emotion…sorry Bry Bry 🙂 Soooo I drank A LOT (hey, it was New Year’s!), ate terrible food, and cried when I thought nobody was looking 2-3 times a day.
Now, we are FINALLY starting the IVF process. We have already met with our specialist for the refresher, signed consent forms that had WAY too much information, paid $7,700 for genetic testing (OUCH!!!), and ordered the medication Bryan will be jamming into my stomach and butt…to be delivered by a pharmacy in a package that is cooled and must IMMEDIATELY be put into the refrigerator. Whew. Ok. Interesting note, we gave consent to allow any failed embryos to be tested as part of a study. It made me feel oddly at peace to click this button, almost like if everything fails again at least medicine, and perhaps some other woman like me struggling to have a baby, will benefit from the duds.
With all the medical mumbo jumbo taken care of, I wanted to make sure my body was uber healthy and ready for this process and started a cleanse. There is already so much guilt that I carry with respect to our losses, so really I just wanted to make sure I felt that I did everything I could to be in the best health before we started this journey. I have been using the Arbonne protein power and have tweaked their “30 Days to Healthy” program which I’ve used successfully before. Basically I have a protein shake for breakfast, fizz stick and healthy snack (almonds, egg whites etc.), shake for lunch, another fizz stick and snack, and then a healthy dinner. So far I have noticed a huge difference in my energy and overall health. I don’t feel as sluggish, and honestly it has been easier to eliminate the bad foods and the BOOOOOOOZE.
Now, let’s talk booze. As I prepare for yet another fertility cycle it gets harder and harder to cut out the drinks. I don’t fancy myself an alcoholic (although some might disagree-eek!) but I do like the occasional, social drink. It’s hard to give those things up especially when it begins to feel like it’s for no reason. Make sense? Think I am horrible yet?? When I was pregnant, all three times, I gave up drinking no problem…I had a purpose. Now, it feels like I completely change my life over and over again, and each time I get a big fat NOT PREGNANT slap in the face. Anywhoo, the cleanse makes it easier because now I am following a program, I am working on a healthier me and booze (pregnant or not) doesn’t fit into that equation.
What’s next on the IVF agenda? Good question, and to be honest I am not totally sure haha. I started taking birth control, I forget why. Something about either controlling the cycle or my uterine lining. There was so much information I couldn’t process it all. That is why I am about to curl up with a sweet loaned gift from my IVF sister Nicole. Hopefully by tomorrow I will know more about this crazy IVF journey that is our new normal.