At lunch today a friend of mine asked me what it was like being pregnant after miscarriage. I had to pause for a second, and move past my urge to sugar coat everything to give her an honest answer.
It was scary.
What’s crazy is that I hadn’t really thought about that. I haven’t REALLY thought about anything that has happened to us….and a lot has happened. On the ride home I realized that I have been forcing myself NOT to think about our pregnancy/birth journey. When I arrived home I put Henry to bed, and looked through old pictures…and I thought about EVERYTHING,
I also called to make an appointment for therapy.
When I started writing this blog it was a place for me to be open and honest about our fertility journey. When we got pregnant, I let my fears silence me and spent the next better part of a year running from them. As I sit here today, I can see that same fear creeping into my daily life-especially when it comes to my miracle baby boy.
I must process what we have been through, and there is no shame in asking for help.
Anxiety does not make me weak. Today is a new day.
Also, look at that face (SWOOOOOON).